We don’t like you.

A message to food influencers from the restaurant industry.

We don’t need you anymore.

You don’t do anything. Your opinion means nothing. It’s subjective. Food is subjective. Everyone tastes different. Everyone cooks different. You’re not offering value—you’re just making it about you.

The gluttony. The greed. The status chasing. The wealth flexing need to be seen. I think I speak for everyone when I say, we’ve all had enough.

You don’t love food. You love attention. You love over-indulging for how it makes you feel. You are a dopamine addict. As well as I’m sure many other vices.

Most of you don’t even tip! You call restaurants before you walk in like some low-rent local celeb, alert the hostess of your triumphant arrival! OH BOY! THANK GOD YOUR HERE MIDDLE-AGED INFLUENCER PLEASE GRACE US WITH YOUR PRESENCE. You show up and act like you “put the place on the map.” You take credit for a restaurant that’s already busy. You order everything on the menu and hoping for a comp and act like you're doing US a favor. You’re not.

I don’t see you cook. Ever. Not once. You don’t try. You don’t ask questions. You pretend you are doing this to support local when you don’t even know what local actually means. You don’t work shifts. You’re not interested (or interesting) in anything except consuming. Over and over and over.

Where is the value in that?

You eat. You drink. You over indulge. You post. Then you do it again. You’re one step away from a Roman vomitorium.
Congratulations! You’re a professional customer.
You’re a guest. A tourist.

And I want to make this clear: this is not a statement of jealousy.
I don’t want your job. I don’t want to be Cincinnati-famous.
I don’t want people knowing who I am. I don’t want to go viral. I don’t need to be seen in the hottest places in town.
I want to live a simple, quiet life with my son, cook some food, make fun of you and help others.

I know what I’ve been doing the last few years.
I know where my heart is.
My conscience is clean.

I’ve talked to other cooks. Bartenders. Dishwashers. Servers. Hosts. Managers. I’ve heard the stories about you—especially here in our city. You’re not respected. We don’t like you. We smile to your face because we’re forced to. Because owners and managers are scared of you. Because the algorithm runs the show now.

But behind the scenes?
We talk shit about you. Constantly.

You found one of the easiest grifts on Earth: eating and drinking. And now you’re out here pretending you’re part of the industry. Like you matter more than the people doing the actual work.

You don’t.

And you never have.

This whole thing? We let it happen. Restaurants handed you the keys. Gave you gift cards, free shit, and permission to walk all over us. And for what? A repost? A reel with no ROI? A monotone, half-assed put together video of your poorly lit meal? Cheers bitches! Yick.

Fuck outta here.

Stop giving these people free food. Stop bowing down. Treat them like everyone else. Take your industry back.

Food influencers should be the ones bowing to us.
Not the other way around.

We don’t need them.
They need us.

We don’t like you.
We don’t respect you.
You are not one of us.

So ok—your rebuttal is what?
“I’m helping!”
“I get eyes on struggling restaurants!”
“Views! Likes! Comments!”

Cool, man.

I’ve already said this, but let me say it again: views and likes mean absolutely nothing without proven data. Data, which none of you ever seem to have or conveniently leave out.

What’s the actual return on investment when a restaurant pays you to promote them? What’s the retention rate on your "influenced" covers? Do they come back? Or was it just for the clout? If you can show me real, measurable numbers that prove your content puts asses in seats and revenue in the drawer—I’ll shut up. I’ll even remove your name from my files.

But until then?
You're all liars and scammers to me.
Fuck off.

Your views and likes only make you feel important.
They’re not proven to help restaurants in any meaningful, sustainable way.

And look—sure. Some of you, and I mean some, might be doing some good. Maybe you have good intentions. Maybe you actually give a shit. If that’s you, you don’t need to feel personally attacked by this.

But if you're the kind of influencer I’m talking about, the kind we all know too well?

You do.
And you should.

So the next time you’re making another lifeless, monotone, passionless reel saying,
“I don’t normally like this kind of food but…” and then pretending you’re Guy Fieri remember something:

We know!
We know you’re a fraud.
We know exactly why you’re using the industry we bleed for—every day—for your own personal ego trip.
I have eyes and ears all over this city. Watching. Listening. Reporting.

So maybe next time you flex that “I’m a local celeb” muscle a little too hard and treat a server like shit? Just know: we’re keeping notes. And files. And receipts. I’m always watching.

Keep being a barnacle, riding along the belly of a struggling industry you think you understand. Keep pretending your superior palate and basic-ass vocabulary should guide the many.

But remember who’s actually doing the work.

Remember that eating well and getting plastered on martinis on a Wednesday “for content” is a privilege most people don’t have.

And remember most of the people you see as your servants?
They can’t stand you.

Keep your head on a swivel.
(Metaphorically. Satirically. Of course.)

That’s not a threat.
Just a light joke.

All my best to you! ;) -Tony